Humility. AKA Motherhood

So, ever since this little sweetheart has joined our family, I've been learning some things about parenting. Mostly, I've been learning humility. I should now admit that I was definitely one of those people that thought parenting couldn't be THAT hard, because I'd done a ton of babysitting and nannying, even staying with kids for a couple of weeks while the parents were gone. I had alllll kinds of ideas about what I would never do, and about a million ideas of what I would do. 

For example, after the first week or so postpartum...I was going to still make a delicious dinner every night, wear makeup and do my hair every day delightfully, and of course keep teaching violin, with my baby in a sling or peacefully playing on the floor next to me. I was going to start a workout routine right as soon as I got home, and keep getting up every morning to make Miles a nutritious lunch before he got off to work. My baby would never taste formula(because "how hard can breastfeeding REALLY be?"), wouldn't get a pacifier or bottles until six-eight weeks, and we would go on blissful trips to the park, beach, and grocery store together. 

Here entered Colban...and humility.

The delicious dinner every night was swapped for quesadillas Miles made for us eaten in the living room while I nursed Colban. Makeup and hair(especially mascara) are a bonus for special occasions like church, unless you count the mad ponytail skills I am developing. My accomplishment is now to shower every day, using the ten or so minutes that Colban will play by himself before starting to wail. Keeping my violin studio going is out; I'm shooting to teach one lesson a week while Miles watches Colban, which does wonders for me. The workout routine is on hold...I still try to get out and walk with Colban in the stroller, but he looks like a bobblehead doll if we go fast, and he'll only last about fifteen minutes in the stroller lately...I'm biding my time for our jogging sessions :)
As for making Miles lunch, he got waaay too friendly with the Carl's Jr. by his work for a while, because we awake to Colban who wants to be fed the whole time Miles gets ready for work. Kabosh the lunch making. I've found that if I make something the night before it works a lot better. We do try for trips out, but trips to the park, beach, or grocery store are a little different than I envisioned, since usually I end up taking a crying baby out to nurse in the car while Miles finishes up. And the biggest humble-r of all??

BREASTFEEDING. 

Breastfeeding is hard! The end. 

Colban has definitely had formula, bottles, and a pacifier, which saved our sanity more than a time or two. And now I understand any mom who doesn't or can't nurse and opts to formula feed instead.

What I mean to say by writing all that is, parenting is not so easy peasy after all. Shame on me for thinking I'd be the exception! I think what I'm supposed to learn from all this is not to judge other people's parenting skills. EVER. I don't think it's bad to intend not to do something you see another parent doing, but that's different from thinking you'll never do it because you'll be a "better parent" when the time comes. Chances are that when the time comes you'll be throwing all "better parent" theories out the window right and left in order to get the baby to sleep. or eat. or whatever. And I'm thinking how this applies to everything I am judgy about with other people. My suspicion is that learning this lesson is part of the reason I don't have an "easy baby."

Don't get me wrong, though!!! I wouldn't trade Colban for ANYTHING! Being a parent is great, because it also includes the best, brightest moments of my life, that SO make up for all the things that are difficult.

 Moments like this:                                                                                                             and this...

and especially this:

 and luckily I've been able to call and talk to family that have helped with all the changes and questions along the way. I've definitely gotten a lot closer to my mom, mother-in-law, and big sister, to whom I come for advice and a listening ear probably waaaay too often. Lucky, lucky me!

They all came down for Colban's baby blessing, too!